Regaining Vision...

Have you ever experienced a situation where something drastic wrong is going on, you want to protest against it, you want to stop it at any cost but can’t do anything. You are forced to become a mute spectator witnessing the unholy incident happening day after day, week after week, month after month. The situation is so painfully unbearable that it can only be understood if one goes through it. The helplessness that you feel in such a situation is inexplicable.

There was a vacancy for an office assistant to help in SQA documentation and team coordination. I was given the task to find a suitable candidate who will be reporting me. After a few interviews I selected a female candidate. She was appointed. She was a girl of 21 years of age with a childish face and soft tongue. Within a few days we built up an understanding. She used to compare herself with my daughter and I also started to think of her as my daughter. 

So far so good. At this point enters the dragon. I was responsible for providing support to Ghana and Tanzania clients. It was quite normal for me to stay back at office till 9 to 10 pm. In one such night, in late September of 2017, at around 9 o’clock, I was damn tired after explaining a business scenario to one of the clients. I went to the conference hall to sit down alone for a while and rearrange my thoughts. As it was supposed to be, the hall was pitch dark. I switched on the lights, and oh my gosh!, my boss was sitting there and with him was the girl!

For the next few days I could not concentrate on anything. I lost my sleep at night and appetite during the day. The scene was moving over my head all the time. Finally, one morning the inevitable happened. I sent off my daughter to school, Shonu, my wife,  left for her school as well. I was ready with my office bag and tiffin box, locked the door and pressed the switch of the lift. As I was waiting for the lift to arrive, suddenly I felt that everything is becoming black in front of me and I was falling down. To sit down for a while and gather myself up, I opened door and sat down on drawing room sofa and closed my eyes.

My eyes opened after 12 days. Shonu was holding an ice bag on her hand which she was applying on my head. It took me some time to understand what was going on. Her eyes were shining as I asked her what was happening. Shonu narrated the complete story in brief, but I could not recollect anything. Those twelve days were lost from my life. I accepted this and started moving on. As our life was coming to normalcy, one day I discovered that though I can see everything, I can’t read what is written on a paper. The doctor, a senior neurologist, referred me to an eye specialist. The eye specialist, a lady doctor in her mid-thirties, checked my eyes thoroughly with intense interest for quite a while and finally declared that I would never be able to read as there is no cure for the ailment. According to her, there were no problems in my eyes. The veins that connect the eyes to the brain are not working properly and hence there is no hope of regaining reading through my eyes. 

Sometime back, in the month of May that year, I purchased a copy of ‘Srimad Bhagwat Gita As It Is’, from amazon and kept the book on the side of the bed “as it was”. One morning after finishing breakfast, I was sitting on the balcony watching nothing. All of a sudden the idea came to my mind to see the Book. If at all I can’t read, I can at least see the pictures. I asked Shonu to give me the Book. I opened the first chapter. The shlokas are written in Sanskrit script with large font. I tried to read. It was complete blurred at first. I tried to concentrate and focused on the first word. The first letter became visible to me. Then I tried to concentrate on the second letter, it appeared but the first one disappeared. “My God! I can read one letter at a time!”, I exclaimed loudly with joy.

On that day I could read the first shloka, only shloka by Dhrishtra, the blind king, asking Sanjay about what was happening in the battlefield of Kurukshetra.

धृतराष्ट्र उवाच |
धर्मक्षेत्रे कुरुक्षेत्रे समवेता युयुत्सवः |
मामकाः पाण्डवाश्चैव किमकुर्वत सञ्जय ||1||

dhṛitarāśhtra uvācha
dharma-kṣhetre kuru-kṣhetre samavetā yuyutsavaḥ
māmakāḥ pāṇḍavāśhchaiva kimakurvata sañjaya

Dhritarashtra said: O Sanjay, after gathering on the holy field of Kurukshetra, and desiring to fight, what did my sons and the sons of Pandu do?

This was not merely an inquiry about the battlefield. Dhritarashtra was curious to know what is happening in the battlefield of Kurukshetra. He knew that the Pandavas are far more powerful than the Kauravas. In the past it was proved several times. And above all the Supreme Personality of Godhead, the Krishna is in the side of the Pandavas. So there was a fear in the mind of Dhritarashtra that the outcome of the battle would not be as desired by him.

I too had many questions in my mind. After three months of the incident, I had to resign from the company. I was like a free bird. There was no rushing to the office in the morning after a sleepless night filled with thoughts of client handling and client satisfaction. I started walking in the morning. Starting from one kilometer, it stretched to five kilometer a day. Listening to the lectures of motivational speaker on Youtube became my permanent companion in the morning.  I started following Gaur Gopal Prabhu and Sadhguru. Shonu suggested Sister Shivani, a well composed lady in white sari with a divine voice. Her voice sounded like voice coming from the heavens – clean, soft and filled with motivation. During that time I came across the Srimad Bhagwat Gita rendition by Anuradha Padowal on Youtube. I used to start my day with the chapter 2. I almost remembered the entire chapter containing 72 shlokas.

One Sunday morning, when I was passing by the side of the Golf Course, I heard the sounds of Mridangam and Kartals. It was a familiar music which reminded me of the childhood days in Khoirabari, my maternal uncle’s house. We used to visit our ‘mamar bari’ during school holidays. My grandfather was a Vaishnav. There used to be frequent vaishnav seva and kirtan at his house. I used to participate the Kirtan and enjoy the melodious tunes. I got pulled up to the kirtan by an unseen string and joined the Sankirtan. After the Kirtan, Shyam Sunder Prabhu ji introduced himself to me. He introduced me to the Vaishnav sect of ISKCON. As I expressed my love for Kirtan, prabhu ji invited me for the Kirtan on every Sunday. I started waiting for the Sunday morning like a Chatak bird.  It continued for a month or so. By the mercy of Shri Krishna, they included me in their team. Now regularly we have kirtans in Sunday mornings and classes on Srimad Bhagwatam on Saturday evenings. I am still looking for the answers to my questions during the discussion sessions on Srimad Bhagwatam.

I regained vision, of my eyes and of my mind, only by the mercy of God, Shri Krishna. It has opened a totally new chapter on my life. My sincere obeisances to Him.

Hare Krishna!

Transforming myself...

The year 2016 ended with a wrong note. There were various reason. But when I reasoned with myself, went a bit deeper, it was my anger that caused the disaster. As it was year end, and there were talks of new year resolutions, I decided, well in the year 2017, I will not get angry. I will control my temper. Then came the big question... how do I control it. This is nothing but a reaction of my mind to certain situation or words. No one plans for getting angry. It comes spontaneously. 

Recently I bumped into one of the lectures of Prabhu Gaur Gopal Das. Someone forwarded a small clip of a lecture containing a humour. The lecture was so interesting, it forced me to search for more. As I googled, found a plenty of lectures given by at various places. All of these are treat to ear and food for the soul. As I continued listening, the hunger for more started growing proportionately. 

The lectures are invigorating. Forces one to stop and re-look. Look to the past and look beyond future. The other day, I was listening to one of his discourse on Youtube. It was about what makes life complete. 

Life starts with 'B' - birth and ends with 'D' - death. We don't have control over B and D. We can not decide where to born, we can not decide when we will die. Between B and D lies 'C' - choice. Between birth and death, we have choice. We can choose what to do and what not to do. We can choose to respond not react. Take a bottle of water and a bottle of cold drink. Shake both of them and open the caps. When the cap of cold drink bottle is opened, it will spill out. But when the cap of water bottle is opened, it will not react. It will remain calm. 

Mantra is "choose to respond not react". Be the water...

Dhritarashtra Management...

Quite a few days now, I was thinking of Dhritarashtra Management. Dhritarashtra, a blind man, was the king of Hastinapur for a long period of time and ruled the country. How was it possible? How can someone take decision when he can't see what is happening in and around the country? It was possible because of the truthful council of ministers he had. He viewed the country through the eyes of his ministers. 

The character of Sanjay is aptly used to explain this. Sanjay was entrusted to relay the events happening at Kurukshetra, the war ground. Sanjay had the special ability to see the battle ground sitting in the royal palace with Dhritarashtra. So, the king could see the events of the war at Kurukshetra through the eyes of Sanjay. 

In modern day corporate houses, the person sitting at the helm is somehow like Dhritarashtra, he is dependent on the managers below them, albeit with their eyes wide open. The CEO cannot see the day to day affairs happening in his organisation. He is solely dependent on the council of managers supposed to be assisting him. Vision of the CEO to move forward solely dependent on the truthfulness of his council. The council of managers act as Sanjay. They are the eyes and ears of the CEO. Dhritarashtra was lucky, the Sanjay had no vested interest. He relayed what he saw. 

Modern day Sanjays are not selfless always. They have their own vested interests. They create perceptions to meet their own interests. As a result, the CEO cannot see the actual picture. The CEO is shown what the Sanjays want to him to see. Over a period of time, the perceptions created looks like the truth. Decisions are taken on the basis of those perception.

Obscured Vision...

The phrase is striking in my mind for quite sometime now. It was constantly present on my subconscious mind for the last few days, may be months. Whether eating, taking bath, in a meeting or coding, I could sense the presence of the word in and around me. I was feeling a pressure, a sense of urgency to pen down the thoughts on this. Yesterday, when finally decided to give it a try, I thought to find the meaning in google. As soon as I typed the two words, like a super wife, google replaced it with "blurred vision" and gave me a list of eye specialists! Obviously, I was not looking for this! I changed the phrase with single word "obscured" and got the meaning which resembled with my thoughts. It says - 

keep from being seen; conceal. 
 "grey clouds obscure the sun" 

My subordinates always try to obscure my vision. When I ask them about the status of the job they are working on, the common and expected reply is "It is almost done." What are all the thing done? I get a huge list of features. What are all the things pending? Nothing sir, just a few minor validations at one or two places, about to be finished. At this point, normally I tend to take it as it is given. The matter of the fact is, at this point my vision is obscured. I do not try to look through, I do not look beyond. 

Well, to be honest, this is not how I actually realised it first. I felt it first when my boss, who used to wish me personally on my birthdays, refused to return a smile on my morning wishes. I do not have any direct interaction with him for any of the tasks entrusted to me. So, why this change in perception? There may be more than one reason for this. And when I thought deeply, I could realise that this is not something new or something strange that is happening with me only. This is happening everywhere with everyone. There are hidden agenda or interest which prompts people to conceal. The agenda may be as large as mobilising a mob or as small as to sink somebody to keep another one afloat. Each individual at his or her own capacity, tries to obscure the vision of others to meet personal interests. My subordinates do it with me, I do it with my boss, my boss does it with his boss, children do it with their parents, parents do it with the society and it goes on. More the hierarchy, more the obscurity. 

The recent scandals on beef eating and national intolerance broaden up the meaning. A few people can obscure the vision of hundreds of thousands of people and lead them to criminal offences. A few writers tries to obscure the vision of the entire nation by returning their awards to prove that the country has become intolerant. 

Looking beyond is the mantra. Trying to look beyond what is presented is the key. If I can look beyond what is presented to me by my subordinates, the product will have lesser bugs and will require lesser time. If my boss looks beyond what his subordinates present to him, the product as whole will be benefited. Same is applicable for higher ups. 

We all know that political or religious leaders mislead or misguide general public for their own interest. But still we do not try to clear our eyes to look beyond and let the leaders to succeed with their agenda.